What Did She Say

My mind is always open

Bed

Posted by jackiyo 6 Comments

I’m making myself write this post. I don’t want to, since it’s not a “happy, cheery” post, but it needs to come out. So, here it is.

I forced myself to get out of bed to write because I didn’t want to get out of bed today.

Not because it was comfy or because I was tired (although it was comfy and I was tired), but because the covers were extremely heavy today.

I didn’t get out of bed until about 1pm (except for the quick jaunt to get my kids some breakfast and hit the bathroom).

Luckily my husband was home until about 12:30 today.

I know logically those covers get heavier with changes in hormones. I know logically those covers get heavier when I don’t eat right or sleep well.

I know logically that voice that’s keeping me in bed is not my friend  and I know she’s not right. Logically. I know that.

But those covers were so, so heavy today. They were heavy from the weight of the last week. I still haven’t had the full-out, cry-til-you-need-to cathartic cry I really, really need about the events of August 21 and what I saw two days later.

The covers were heavy with the weight of the bills I don’t know how we’re going to pay.

The covers were heavy with the weight of something that shall not be blogged about. Not yet anyway.

They were just. so. heavy today. And I couldn’t fight them.

I wasn’t sleeping. I was just there. In the dark. In the bed. In the basement. Letting my worry and guilt and sadness engulf me. It was easier just to let it than fight it this morning.

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Categories: Home - Slideshow, Rant

6 Responses so far.

  1. Mary says:

    BIG ((( HUGS ))) to you. So sorry that you had a day like this!!! Hopefully you are feeling better now.

  2. Jacki — I hope that whatever has you burying your head under the covers goes away so you can feel lighter.

    Is there anything we can do?

  3. Jen says:

    Love ya girl. Anything you need, I’m here for you.

  4. Jacki, I am so sorry you had this day. I’m so sorry you (and all of Goderich) have had this past week! As Chicky says, your community is here for you. You let us know what and when you need. xo

  5. mara says:

    I’m sorry you had a day like today. I’m glad you threw those heavy covers off and got out of bed, even though it was hard. And when you’re ready to blog about the thing that won’t be blogged about just yet, know that your community will be there to hear you.


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