What Did She Say

My mind is always open

Who do you judge?

Posted by jackiyo 11 Comments

Do you judge the mom whose toddler is throwing a tantrum in the grocery store? What if she buys him something to make the tantrum stop?

Do you judge the mom whose kid looks way too old to be having a tantrum, yet is completely melting down at the mall?

Do you judge the mom who is feeding her newborn from a bottle (even though you have no idea what is in that bottle)?

Do you judge the mom who is feeding her baby formula?

Do you judge the mom who lists Jesus as her main focus in life and her children second?

Do you judge the mom who doesn’t take her kids to church?

Do you judge the white mom with the Asian children? What about the white mom with the black child? What about the black mom with the blond-haired, blue-eyed child?

Do you judge the mom who chose to have children even though she doesn’t have a partner?

Do you judge the mom who gave up her career as a lawyer “just” to stay at home?

Do you judge the mom who is obviously drunk at the bar at 1:30am? What if she’s showing cleavage and is sporting a leopard skin mini-skirt?

Do you judge the mom who is at McDonald’s with her kids for the second time this week?

Do you judge the mom with four kids? What about six? What if she’s black?

Do you judge the mom who gives her baby a pacifier? Her 2 year-old? 3 year-old? 4 year-old?

Do you judge the mom who is feeding her son candy? Pop?

Do you judge the mom who let her daughter cry it out?

Do you judge the mom who co-sleeps?

Do you judge the mom who picks her son up as soon as her cries, every single time?

Do you judge the mom who dresses her daughter in “boy” clothes?

Do you judge the mom who let her son dress up as Daphne for Hallowe’en?

Do you judge the mom wearing a hijab? A burka? A cross? A star of David? An Amish bonnet?

Do you judge the mom who doesn’t vaccinate her children?

Do you judge the mom who does vaccinate her children?

Do you judge the mom who medicates her children?

Do you judge the mom with the overly pudgy three-year-old? What if they’re at Burger King?

Do you judge the mom who sits on the couch instead of playing on the floor with her child at the drop-in play centre?

Do you judge the mom who is yelling at her child at the zoo?

Do you judge the mom who takes her child to a chicken pox party?

Do you judge the mom with Kraft Dinner and Lunchables in her grocery cart?

Do you judge the mom whose children look nothing alike?

Do you judge the mom-t0-be without the wedding ring on her finger?

Do you judge the mom who isn’t married to her son’s father?

Do you judge the mom who has never cooked anything from scratch?

Do you judge the mom whose floors are sticky and crunchy?

Do you judge the mom who had an epidural? A c-section?

Do you judge?

What do you feel judged about?

Have you ever judged a mom?

Have you ever spoken up to somebody you felt was doing something wrong?

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Categories: Home - Slideshow, Rant

11 Responses so far.

  1. hbm says:

    i must say, for all the things i had judged the most, they came back to bite me in the ass the hardest. very humbling!
    examples… when my daughter was strictly breastfed, i judged the formula-giving moms. fast forward 2 years later and my son is wanting to wean at 6 months because he acquired a taste for bottles (after the occasional one became something he demanded daily). his lack of interest dried me up and there i was, the mom with the bottles.
    i used to judge moms who sent their kids to public daycares. in my mind, first choice was SAHM, second choice was family members watching your child, third choice was home daycare, last choice was public daycare. i went back to work part time and left my daughter in the care of my MIL. fast forward 6 months and it’s just not working (the care was great but i didn’t have a back-up and sometimes she would make other plans). the home daycares were full, so to the centre we went. well, i loved it so much that i kept sending her 2x/week even when i went off on my second mat leave, and now they both go.

    humble pie is a delicious treat we all need to taste 🙂

    • jackiyo says:

      Thanks for sharing. We do tend to make judgments without knowing all (any?!) of the facts about why others chose what they chose.

      Humble pie is pretty bitter, but necessary sometimes.

  2. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sarah Carmichael and Jacki Yovanoff. Jacki Yovanoff said: For the daytime folks: Who do you judge? http://bit.ly/hLpEFb (Would love to hear your stories. Join in the comments.) […]

  3. optimom says:

    I must say as I have aged, I judge less and less because my brain is usually focused on the task I am trying to complete. Not that I am 1000 years old or anything but that stuff doesn’t matter to me. Only YOU know what’s best for you and aside from anything that potentially could cause harm to a child it’s no one else’s business really.

    • jackiyo says:

      Judging less does sometimes seem to come from age/wisdom/confidence in ourselves.

      “anything that potentially could cause harm to a child” is VERY subjective, though! I fed my kids Lunchables today.. Some would consider that harm. 🙂

  4. Jen says:

    Great Post. We all judge, we constantly compare our lives to others, critisize and ‘think’ about what they’re doing wrong/right.

    I don’t judge mixed families. My kids are invisible minorities. I am caucasion, my half brother, chinese. We’re mixed blood all they way. What I do judge is the family who comes into the fast food restaurant I work at EVERY DAY and feed their kids the same deep fried crap. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

    I often look in awh at children who are well behaved in public, wonder how the parents created such nice children. Because my spoiled son has a serious case of 5 going on 15 attitude and the I wants all mixed in one.

    Again, great post.

    • jackiyo says:

      Thanks Jen. It would be difficult to see that every day. And holy crap, that’s expensive for that family, too!

      And who knows what’s going on with the “nice” kids, too. We never know. I doubt your son is spoiled. I see it in my kids, too. They’re more concerned about what they don’t have than being grateful for what they do have.

      • Jen says:

        Very Expensive. Average $70/day they eat. Horrible unhealthy food. Great once in a while, but not every day.

        My son, alas, is spoiled. From day one he’s had every thing he’s wanted, and had to work for very little. We try to give him chores and work to do to earn his wants, and he’ll do them. But he gets so much that it’s actually quite silly. I did decide that this year will be different. He’ll get very little and learn to appreciate what he has. Reality Check time.

  5. Sarah says:

    I am sure people judge me for not being married, not having a ring, being with a black man, raising mixed kids, not baptising my son & not raising him with religion. But that doesn’t bother me. That is their problem and I know I’m not doing anything wrong in any of those cases.

    What does bother me is when people judge me for having a c-section, or for what I feed my son (junk, candy, McDonald’s, whatever), or for how my son behaves in public, etc. And, it’s because those are the things I am insecure about. Those are the things I am not sure if I should do (or know I shouldn’t).

    The things I judge other moms for (’cause I do – everyone does) are usually things they do differently than me, which is also about my own insecurities. Except I do judge parents who don’t use carseats properly – it’s not that hard & it could save a life. Why not take the time to learn to do it?

    Anyway, great post – I hope it gets people thinking.

    • jackiyo says:

      Great point about the things that bother us are the things we feel most insecure about. It’s true we get the most defensive about things we’re not really sure we’re right about in the first place.

      And I totally agree on the car seat thing. I left if out of my post purposefully. There’s no grey area about car seats.

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